D is for Dream

I always loved when I would fall asleep and dream, like a movie that I would never know what to expect and can never see again. Some were so funny they would wake me up laughing, and others so scary I could not get back to sleep. But dreams can come when you are awake too... and the best dreams are the ones you can LIVE!  I had a dream that for a long time I thought could not come true. I would dream of being happy and sober.  I know without sobriety I could never REALLY be happy.... how could I?  Every morning waking up hating what I had done the night before.  Every morning feeling guilty and woozy.  Yet every night I would go back to the same thing.... a drink!  ooo just one or two, I would tell myself... but it always lead too way too many more.  My dream was to STOP! I wanted to be ME again!  I dreamt some day it would happen, I would be happy, focused and enjoying my life, without booze!  but I was sure that I just could not do it.   I felt like I was in a nightmare, no way out... I just didn't have enough will power to stop drinking, and in some way I thought no one really cared anyway. I was wrong.  No one really cared? They cared so much and tried so hard, but I kept disappointing them and PUSHING them away.  It got to the point where they just could not watch me abuse myself anymore. It hurt them, probably more then it was hurting me.  I was a living nightmare!
Then one day after I started treatment, and stumbled, I realized I had lost so much and this seemed like my last chance to salvage whatever I had left in my life.  I still had the man that loves me, but I was pushing him away too with my self destructive behavior.  That is when I said I HAVE to get serious and get my life back on track. What were my dreams?  Certainly not being without everyone and everything in my life, or being a drunk.  I had a chance and I didnt want to blow it!  It finally clicked!  I started taking the whole thing seriously.  This was not a game, not a DREAM.... this was real life and I had to wake up! Pulling myself up by the boot straps and taking a look at who I truly am without the booze, I knew I did have the strength in me to do this!  I was the only one who could, and I really wanted to live my dream. Loving myself enough to really dive into my sobriety and the program I was enrolled in and leaning on the ones that support me, I knew I had the power to do this!  I have so many blessing in my life, and now knowing I am on the right track, I can begin dreaming of my future. A future filled with joy and dreams that will come true. A future where my dreams can come true, and I can rest assured there will be no more nightmares.
Wishing all of your dreams come true too!