Well, I is for me. I know in sports, there is no I in team, but this is one thing in life I can only do for myself. No one can do it for me, and I can't do it for anyone else. I am not "good" at recovery.... I am just doing the best I can. I need help, but only I can stay sober, and I can only do it for me. I have fucked up a couple times, and each time the lesson hurts me more and more, although the duck up is always less and less. (Thank God, because I hate how I feel if I slip and hurt myself and others that I love an mean the world to me)
I did it again.... I didn't even get drunk... I "just" had 2 beers... I just wanted to TASTE it..... Well, I did.... And no one knew except for me and one of the closest people to me..... And I hurt us both so badly.... And it was not worth it at all......
My choice, my mistake, yet it hurt both of us. I hope I never ever slip into "remission" again.... Never sneak, or try to "fool" anyone.... I can't change the past.... I can only try to do better in the future....
I am human, I make mistakes, and have bad judgement on occasion.... I just have to remember to reach out for help when I need it.... It only helps me, and it helps earn the trust of the ones I love. Because if I don't have their trust, I only have myself to blame... And without trust, it's hard to have much more to build on.
To all who love me..... I am sorry for the past hurts I put on you, I will work harder for your trust. I will also try not to be so hard on myself, and I will ask for help when I need it..... Because, I am worth recovery, sobriety and taking the steps to have a healthy focused life of love and joy.
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